Every band or solo performer has a bad performance. It happens, a guitarist with the flu, a singer with exhaustion. But there are some performances that are just the end of being taken seriously. And so I give you, the list of the top ten music performances that turned a hot act into a luke-warm joke.
10. Whitney Houston anywhere after Bobby Brown
There a LOT of bad performances for Whitney during and post Bobby Brown. I included the video from 1994 as the beginning of the end. Her career is dead but she will probably never go. She was too strong of a music figure. But crack and beatings have destroyed one hell of a voice. If you don't believe that this video is all that bad put it next to her early work. Night and day.
9. Ashlee Simpson on SNL
Honestly her career was going nowhere but she might have stuck around had it not been for this one fucked up performance. I doubt there's anyone left who doesn't know the story but, just in case, the younger sister of tuna ass Jessica Simpson tried the piggy back approach of gaining stardom by hitching a ride off of Jessica's quickly shrinking sails to be a "rock" singer. She appeared on SNL where the wrong track for her to lip-sync to was played and, in true artist form, jigged her way off stage. It's the last I've ever heard of her.
8. Adam Lambert at the AMA
If you didn't hear, Adam Lambert is gay and planted a kiss on his keyboard player during this performance that became the gay kiss that shocked the world for ten seconds. I was ready to say whatever when I heard but then I watched it. It is one of the sloppiest spur of the moment kisses I've seen on TV and it completely pulled focus from his performance. That moment on the AMA's could have pushed him from the Idol who didn't win to the Idol who didn't win but was still successful (somehow). Instead, all articles focused on that one, spitty kiss.
The slop is at 3:37. Way to go dumbass.
7. Britney Spears at the VMA's
It almost feels cruel to add this one but the list wouldn't be honest if I didn't. I wouldn't have done it if she hadn't brought it on herself. The VMA's were meant to be one part of her comeback. Sadly, she chose to down a margarita and shun the corset offered optioning instead to go out in a bra post baby weight and obviously uncomfortable. Another teen popstar gets hit by life like a cannonball to the face.
6. Dixie Chicks in London
In 2003, The Dixie Chicks were a country music force crossing over repeatedly from country to mainstream pop. Until they performed a concert in London where Natalie Maines made this statement:
"Just so you know, we’re on the good side with y’all. We do not want this war, this violence, and we’re ashamed that the President of the United States is from Texas."
... following the invasion of Iraq. Whoops. The performance itself wasn't bad but the controversy that followed that concert created an all-out boycott of their music. Two Rules of Country Music: Never insult the US on foreign soil and never insult the president during "war-time". Don't give me any of that freedom of speech bullshit. This aint old-school punk.
5. Tila Tequila
I know, I know. What career? But that's the thing about reality stars, they have a way of never disappearing. Hopefully her misguided decision to perform at the Gathering of the Juggalos will at least keep her from infecting the music scene with her viral rap/club/hip hop/whatever the fuck she does.
For those who don't know, Insane Clown Posse still has a following who refer to themselves as Juggalos (or Juggalettes) who come together once a year in a white trash version of Burning Man. Famously, if you are hated by the Juggalos, they will let you know by throwing bottles full of piss and their own feces. I felt bad for Tila at the beginning of the video until, at the request of the crowd hurling excrement at her, she takes off her top. At that point, I decided she deserved shit and a place on this list. BTW, if you're wondering who the random dude is who shows up and is obviously not a security guard, that's Tom Green. HA.
4. Steven Tyler on American Idol
Anything he does on the show (including performing) that gave the world Clay Aiken is a career killer in my opinion. I'm not a huge fan of Aerosmith but could anyone have imagined in the 1970's when the band was "competing" with Rolling Stones and eventually laid down a track with Run DMC, that the lead singer would progress to doing this?
3. Ke$ha.
Anytime she performs she puts one more nail in the coffin.
Nuff said.
2. The Black Eyed Peas Super Bowl half-time show.
This may be a stretch as I'm sure the peas will be putting out more club regurgitations and succeed in making more undeserved money. However this show was SO bad I couldn't resist throwing it in at 2. Maybe I'll get lucky and the performance will kill them dead. Or maybe I'll just have to do it myself. Anyway, there's no way to describe how terrible this was. They danced around like they were at karaoke and hot wing night in Champs. All of their voices broke which they covered by screaming SUPER BOWL!! Fergie didn't have a functioning mic. This is the only time in my life I was happy to see Usher.
But beyond that, in my opinion, when an artist plays the Super Bowl you can't really see them as anymore than the background for an Audi commercial. There will be no bite, no risks, in other words, nothing of interest. Their rendition of Where's the Love was so weird for a football event I wondered if they just needed one more hit to fill out the medley.
1. The Goo Goo Dolls serenading figure skaters.
I was lucky enough to catch this catastrophe on TV. I'm home for Christmas and walk in on my dad watching free-style figure skating on TV. I sit down and notice the music is familiar. Having loved the Goo Goo Dolls in middle school I quickly caught on to the familiar lyrics of Name and realized, dear God, the Goo Goo Dolls are playing LIVE for figure skaters.
Not to give hate to figure skaters but the band that wrote songs with lyrics that referenced topics from wasting your life (Name) to heroin addiction (Black Balloon) playing live for Kristi Yamaguchi? No matter what they do now I will never be able to wipe this from my brain.
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